the big ass finale

Gf left half an hour ago to kick some butt at her big ass exam and I'm left, nervous and with nothing left but to hope that she does well.
It's very strange. I know she studied and I know she knows it all, but I'm still nervous.
I probably feel like a mom on her kids first day of school. Will she be ok, will she find friends, will she be the odd one out???
I've already put away all her study-stuff and prepared everything for her to come home and play some Wii. If she fails she can take her mind off it and when she passes she can relax and celebrate!

Let's hope for the best!

Remote as can be

This is the remote place i mentioned. sorry, i haven't found the function on my phone where i turn the picture...

how do you call absence of stress?

I'm a student. I do have to work most of my time though to afford being a student. So I'm not as much of a student as I'd like to be.
Work usually stresses me out. I thank the gods that I went to a school that actually taught me practial stuff, so I'm better off with the student jobs that I hold in comparison to the usual crappy jobs that students have. Still, work stresses me out. That's because even though I have the cool student jobs, they're still student jobs. And being the resident Veronica Mars is only so much fun.

Today however, work is fun. Because there isn't a single thing to do. I worked my ass off yesterday to shrink the pile of things I have to do and I actually made it. I'm done. Nothing left. Nada. Except for the Austrian Airlines bill on my desk that I don't know what to do about. I'm getting kind of bored (Yes, S, mark the day red in your calender, it happened!)

So, I'm sitting here reading awesome comics (with my fav so far being this strip), watching stand-up comedy and tending to my village. Then I figured gf could send over her thesis so I can start with proof reading (because reading my own research stuff - not gonna happen.) and she did. Holy crap, that thing has 97 pages! And it's not done yet. Oh, the fleeting times of picture books, where have they gone?

gf left for Budapest this morning. I left for work.
She'll be back by tomorrow evening already, but I miss her. Then again I got loads to do (some musts, some wants), not counting office stuff, so I'll probably be busy until she returns.
Last time she was gone for a couple of nights and it sent me straight into a phase of insomnia. So, please keep your fingers crossed for me and my beauty sleep.

No coffee for me today.

weather forecast: november depressions ahead

I'm having a low day today. not that this is any news, but I can't bring myself to finish all the essays that are still waiting to be, well, finished.

gf is trying her best to make me smile. i expect it's a very unrewarding task, I just don't feel like smiling. but I'm doing better. especially after I was given all these acrylic colors. all i would need to start painting would be canvas...gotta get myself some next week and possibly maybe I will have a low day then and not doing anything for university will probably put me into a creative mood and paint that long promised picture for my parents' bedroom.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not an artist, I'm bad at drawing anything, but I promised to try and I figured this upcoming November depression might be the right time...

so gf's in the kitchen baking some of her delicious goodies, or something. and I'm couch surfing in self-pity watching "bunny TV" listening to rachel maddow and old l-word podcasts...
she just brought me some raw dough and told me to taste but not to eat, but then the dough was delicious and how can I not keep tasting againa and again...?

Question of the day: upside down hearing loss?

is there a chance that the human body doesn't hear as good when doing a handstand for a while? Or is it just the sound of blood rushing into your head that's louder and makes the other sounds sound a little muffled??

facing walls

sometimes you find yourself in front of a wall that someone put there very matter of factly. and what do you do then?
i used to talk to it and when that didn't work I grew up.
the walls were smaller then and one could just step over them.
but somehow there's always someone so much bigger than yourself and then growing up just isn't an option anymore, cuz this is as big as you get.
so what I did then was to start screaming at the wall to make it crumble, I used to pound against that wall until my fists bled, then my wrists broke and I just slid down to lean against that wall and weep.
giving up never is an option. it's often only about reprieve but finding out who puts the walls there makes quitting come closer, and the fists heal slower then. the will to pound against that wall is diminished and the power loses itself in sensless pain and after a while, painless senses.
it hurts to face a wall like that and I'm still waiting to heal.
it's a very dark alley and it's very silent but noone hears anything. Not a place where you wanna spend a night.

sound drama

well, I don't have tickets yet cuz these fuckers are too slow but they promised that it might happen anytime...

and who the fuck chose the location??? who recommended it? cuz as much as I wanna believe in the abilities of mark and marcel - they will have a rough time in the stadthalle trying to make tori sound good. cuz the fun part is that the hall doesn't carry sound too well, it wasn't buildt for concerts...

shush

Sitting in the middle of my room
The bare wood floor leaves splinters in my skin
And raw white walls surround me, close me in
The light is glistening, blinding me
And at night, as I lay down on the ground, I can hear my room crack

One day I get up and in the almost deafening light
I see a spot on my wall.
Turning around there are more, another one and another
One after the other. The wall becomes wildly painted in
Warm tones of orange and red. Comforting me.

And as I take one step I feel
A fuzzy thing underneath my bare feet.
I look down and realize that a carpet
Is warming my skin and turns my room
Into an oasis of relieve and colors.

One day I look up and I find you in that room.
The conqueror of my heart.
And our fingers interlock, they match perfectly fine
You put me to sleep, at ease after a time so long
I realise that the cracks in the wall, they’re not gone.